last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
