the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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