do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
