Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
