you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
