i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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