Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
