i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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