I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
