he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
