Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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