please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
