So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
