Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
