she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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