I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I know her cup size but not her name....
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