He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
