Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
