i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
