I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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