chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Randomize
