I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
