don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
