This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
