just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
how does that bad decision feel?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
