There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
