Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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