Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
