Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Randomize
