I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
