Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
