Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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