The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
