dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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