I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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