its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
