At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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