So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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