eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
