I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
