Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Drunk is not a location!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
