Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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