Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
dude. I can hear the air.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
