He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
