We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My penis needs a shock collar
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize