Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
