Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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