Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
