You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
