I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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