cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
