There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
