he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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