i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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