So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The air was thick with penises
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
