I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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