I heard we made out
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize