doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
