Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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