That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
