hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
