She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
