The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
