just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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