Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
