i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
