U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
